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Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline: The 7 Basic Skills for Turning Conflict into Cooperation, by Becky A. Bailey
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Learn how to stop policing and pleading and become the parent you want to be.
You love your children, but if you're like most parents, you don't always love their behavior. But how can you guide them without resorting to less-than-optimal behavior yourself? Dr. Becky Bailey's unusual and powerful approach to parenting has made thousands of families happier and healthier.
Focusing on self-control and confidence-building for both parent and child, Dr. Bailey teaches a series of linked skills to help families move from turmoil to tranquility:
7 Powers for Self-Control to help parents model the behavior they want their kids to follow. These lead to:
7 Basic Discipline Skills to help children manage sticky situations at home and a t school, which will help your children develop:
7 Values for Living, such as integrity, respect, compassion, responsibility, and more.
Dr. Bailey integrates these principles in a seven-week program that gets families off to a good start, offering plenty of real-life anecdotes that illustrate her methods at work. With this inspiring and practical book in hand, you'll find new ways of understanding and improving children's behavior, as well as your own.
- Sales Rank: #11143 in Books
- Published on: 2001-12-24
- Released on: 2001-12-24
- Format: Black & White
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.00" h x .49" w x 5.31" l, .50 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 304 pages
- Parental skills to help families move from turmoil to tranquility:
- self-control and confidence-building for both parent and child
- 7 Basic Discipline Skills to help children manage sticky situations at home and at school
- Dr. Bailey integrates these principles in a seven-week program that gets families off to a good start, offering plenty of real-life anecdotes that illustrate her methods at work, with this inspiring and practical book in hand, you'll find new ways of understanding and improving children's behavior, as well as your own.
Most helpful customer reviews
16 of 17 people found the following review helpful.
Not for me
By Amazon Customer
I think this might work best for parents of easy to average children who feel they are in over their head due to their own parents not providing a role model that they care to emulate. It was not for me.
The program borrows from positive discipline and mindfulness acceptance therapy in about equal measure. (i.e. Give two positive choices, accepting the moment as it is and being in control of your reactions.) The book as a whole has a kind of Beatles /Buddhist flavor (ala `All You Need is Love`). There is a strong focus on relationship building, similar to both Greene or Gardener. All of the ideas were familiar, but recombined in an interesting way. The book offered a fresh viewpoint and some new tips for implementing the strategies.
I would describe this as a philosophical approach. Some research is sited. More research is alluded to, but not referenced (i.e. `unnamed research shows that...`). Also, the author is not clear regarding what research clearly shows, vs. conclusions she drew from the research herself, vs. what is more of a `personally held belief, not actually refuted by research I am personally familiar with`. It's similar to Dobson`s _The Strong-Willed Child_ and Greene`s. _The Explosive Child_ in this respect. The author has extensive experience in early childhood education. My understanding is that she has no children of her own.
I liked: Bailey's description of the Flip Flop was just great. I've read about the idea before; this description was the clearest I've seen. Also, her recommendations for being assertive and for staying calm were helpful. These weren't novel ideas, but more strategies to use on the tricky days are more than welcome.
I didn't love: (1) The writing seemed unnecessarily circular and repetitive to me. At one point, I thought I had lost my place (I hadn't.) (2) Bailey seemed to have some strongly held values, and didn't hold back. I wonder if she realized she is ok using praise to encourage characteristics she values (helpfulness, persistence), but is extremely hard on parents who reinforce success, stoicism, or compliance. I don't even disagree very much with her value system, I just found it odd that she didn't seem to realize it was the same general principle. She also had a fairly preachy, there is no such thing as `good enough parenting`, do it my way, or your kids will be in therapy forever tone at times. Which she alternated with, `just love yourself and accept the moment as it is`. I found the combination both irritating and jarring. (3) Finally, she stated her opinion just like it was a fact. I can read a book like that, because I'd take a tip from the devil himself, if it worked and didn't involve hurting anyone else. But I find it almost unbearably annoying.
You, on the other hand, may love this book and find it works beautifully with your child. I'd just recommend trying it at the library before you buy.
I will honestly admit that I started skimming about half way through, the second time Bailey said that chronic noncompliance had only 3 causal factors: Stress, chronic stress from a bad home life, and parents inadvertently reinforcing bad behavior. Which is simply not accurate, in addition to being demoralizing. Most of the experts in the field also talk about temperament (both child and parent), goodness of fit, and underlying disabilities (as well as subclinical issues). I wasn't enjoying the read anyway, and that was it for me. I don't need more of that in my life, I get plenty for free at the grocery store. I did keep a close eye out and double checked the back for citations. Didn't find any additional.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
Wish I had this when my 5yr old was 3!
By C. Morton
I found myself mad at my 5 year old all the time, and very short tempered around him. It felt like I was always saying 'no' or 'stop that'. It got to the point where I didn't even want to take him anywhere because I didn't want to have to correct him the whole time we were there. In short, I was not having fun being a mom. This book was recommended to me and I started reading it thinking, 'oh my gosh, I do that, is that wrong? Is that why he acts this way? Is that why I act that way?' The book showed me where I had made some poor parenting choices and how re-phrasing things or giving my son real choices he was in charge of could make a big difference. I started changing the way I disciplined him immediately and it has made an immense difference! I've even got my husband to read it because he can see the change in both my son and me. I'm not angry all the time, my son isn't in time-out all the time. We're not fighting about getting dressed and getting in the car, and all the other things that are daily life chores that were once difficult. My style of parenting wasn't working and something had to change. This book made that change happen and has made our house and happier place. Don't get me wrong, there are still hiccups- but it doesn't turn ugly anymore. I only wish that I had known about this book when my son was 3.5 instead of 5, a lot of things could have been avoided!
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Amazing Book!
By A. Alexander
This book has really changed the dynamics of our entire family and how we relate to one another. One youngest is fortunate enough to attend a cutting-edge lab NAEYC accredited lab school where they practice Conscious Discipline. As I watched her those first few months, I realized very quickly that she seemed to be better equipped with social/emotional skills than our oldest... and to some extent her parents! When you watch a toddler go from full-on toddler meltdown to watching her calm herself using deep breathing techniques that many adults can't even do, you start to wonder what this stuff is all about. We all began reading this book - parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles - and it has really helped all of us. People will often stop us and say, "WOW! That was amazing! How did you do that?" or "Can you teach me?" I love that Becky Bailey gives practical, real-life examples throughout the entirety of the book. Every sentence is full of things that you can immediately put to use. There are lots of highlighted sentences in our copies of this book. I've read TONS of parenting books, but none of them come close to this one. In my mind, there is nothing better out there anywhere!
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